Their Love
by bigwhoopers
Summary: Bonnie loves Damon, and she hates herself for it. The thing they have, its toxic. It taints every part of her, and because its no good she couldn't seem to get enough. But now it weighs too heavy, she wants to try loving herself again, how that will be she does not know.


**I stole this idea. My other stories are coming along, I hope.**

Their Love

Chapter 1 – You Say I'm Crazy

Once their desire was a living entity all on its on, strong enough to burn a hole through a steel door. Strong enough to catch water on fire. A passion which ran so so deep it would last forever. A lust so filthy and made of the worse garbage, cloaked with so much sin that the bottom feeders and maggots avoided it. It was a secret that was so heavy it could bring down the stars.

Their _love_ was a festering sore that puffed and oozed sickness. Infected. No good. _very_ Bad. Wrong. Their _love_ was unhealthy and dangerous. An ugly beast that hung in the shadows and stalked weakened minds and broken hearts. It grew, the beast that fed off their misdeeds, _grew and grew,_ soon it would be all it ever was.

Bonnie ran a hand over her face. He was late. He was always late recently. Was it no longer important to him? Maybe he was pulling away. An humorless smile took her lips. Good. She thought, what they had... what they did... it wasn't healthy anyway. She grew tired. So tired of her falsehoods. So tired of being so... filthy. Her opinion of herself was shot to hell and maybe, just maybe it wasn't too late to see herself in a new light.

Heavy pounding on her bedroom door told her he had arrived. She turned back to his computer logging out with a couple of clicks. She was sick of searching the internet for ways she could solve her problem anyway. No help, she was beyond saving. Both of them were. They were in too deep. She didn't bother answering his unspoken request to enter. He would anyway. Instead she brought up a pair of ear phones hanging off of her computer chair and placed them over her ears.

They were pulled gently away from his ears gently a few moments later, warm fingers sliding through her slightly messy hair. "I like this song," He smirked, "It speaks to me."

She could see him in the reflection in his now dark monitor. She wanted to roll her eyes, there was no music playing.

He turned her around to face him with a hand on the back of the chair, he frowned softly in that way which transformed his usually sarcastic or smug face into something like concern. An expression she wished he wouldn't give her. An expression she was never given when they were outside of this bedroom. It had once been a good thing… she thought that it made her special. She thought what they had was special. He had looks only for her.

"What's wrong, Bonbon?" He asked bright blue eyes serious and probing. She hated it. How he could switch from loving her to not loving her. How easy it was for her. She wished it was that easy for her.

"I'm fine, Damon" She said as she looked away from him, unable and not wanting to meet his gaze, "I'm a little tired." She looked at the thin watch on her arm. "It's already three and I have that test and cheer practice, you know Caroline is a slave driver." He pouted childishly in disappointment, one she would have once wanted nothing more then to poke fun at and kiss away. A part of her still did.

"We could talk," He offered with a shrug, sitting on her yellow quilted bed, "we don't have to do anything else, you know that."

She wanted him to leave. That's what Bonnie told herself she wanted. What could they possibly talk about? Their deal was simple and straight forward. She let him fuck her and he gave him money. Her hands balled into fists across her naked thighs. His attention was drawn there and she watched his tongue slip between his lips at the sight of her in her sleep shorts.

"You used to talk to me all the time," He quietly reminded his eyes darting back up to her face, his blue eyes peering into her green ones. She looked away, her whole chest feeling hollow.

Yes she had, once upon a time, at the beginning. Just three years ago, when everything was new and easy and they were newly celebrated sixteen years old and curious, she had talked all the time. She had blindly loved him thinking he was even possible to love.

"You're not paying me to talk." As soon as the words left her mouth she could tell it hurt him. Maybe offended him in someway. His dark brows furrowed, his lips pulled down at the ends, beautiful blue eyes darkened. She didn't want to apologize. And instead, she rose from her seat and kissed him hard, a long and deep, hungry, pulling a moan from his lips. She gently pulled her earphones off his head, setting them on his desk before he gently pushed him back onto her bed. He looked entranced, he always would. She was his only focus at these times, she was all he paid attention to.

She straddled her lips attacked his neck with heavy kisses nipping all the right spots, all of his spots. She was an expert at this when it came to his body. She was an expert when it came to Damon Salvatore. Her small fingers began fiddling with the hem of his black T-shit. Her body pressed against him where she felt his excitement. He bucked against her, his hands going to her hips. Always so eager, she thought numbly.

"I thought you were tired?" He quietly panted pink lips pinker blue eyes dark, his fingers created circles into her sides.

She didn't answer. She hated talking to him. "Bonnie," he moaned, her stomach ached and her traitorous heart swelled.

This deal had been made three years ago a week ago. The first time they had sex was over three years ago when they both had been too broken for it, to young to understand. Their first time had been innocent and a mistake, beginning because wounded feelings and curious hands and kisses. Not like all the times after that. She had needed the money and he needed the comfort back then. A deal was struck and it has been going on for years. A dirty little secret it was. He was the reason she was able to afford the prestigious Mystic Fall Academy, his money. He was the reason her mother's debts and hospital bills were paid. He was the reason she hadn't gone hungry. She had been so thankful. Now? Now it was all just so heavy.

She was tired of constantly lying to her friends, smiling in her best friend's face as she let her boy friend fuck her , even though honestly he had been her's first. She was there when Elena was still with Stefan, she was there before Elena decided that Damon actually was good enough. She had loved him first. But she was tired of the constant play they were constantly performing.

He groaned lowly as she slid down on him. His whole body quaked and he whispered something that sound too much and not enough like 'I love you'. His fingers traveled up and underneath her shirt and closed around her breasts, he moaned her name.

(O)

Bonnie woke the next day abruptly, her head shot up and looked to her side finding Damon gone. He always left like that. Always gone, like he was never there. The girl got from bed and searched around for her undergarments, finding them she looked for a clean pair and headed out of her bedroom and down the hall to the shower. She washed for a long time, as if the water would wash away her filth and self-loath. She walked into her kitchen finding her mother, over their stove; trying to cook again. She awkwardly stood in the open doorway, unsure if saving himself from having to try something the woman cooked was best. But Abby was out of bed for the first time in four days, she would do anything to keep her mood high, even if that meant choking on her hangover meal down. She walked over to the fridge and poured herself some juice. Remembering how she had bought the juice and with whose money she swallowed with sudden difficulty with a bitter gulp. She quickly poured out the rest down the drain.

"Bonnie!," her mother glared at her hotly, although it certainly lacked a fire he could remember from his early childhood, back when he had a father and she had a husband. Back when the woman actually gave a damn about anything other than a liquor bottle. "What in the hell is wrong with you? Pouring out a whole glass of perfectly fi-"

She kissed her on the cheek and grinned as best she could ignoring the stench of alcohol on the woman's breath , interrupting her, "Sorry. I'm happy you're feeling better." She had showered, the staleness didn't quite cling to her today as normal.

She smiled at her daughter, her anger fading, but a shadow of guilt had darkened her brown eyes.

"You've been up for a while, huh?" She asked taking in her new clean clothes. Her mother nodded tiredly.

"Yeah..." She looked down. She glanced quickly at the liquor cabinet on the other side of their kitchen. Bonnie's insides sunk despite telling herself how to get over it already. "Do you want any breakfast?"

Insides whirling, chest tight, Bonnie shook her head with a forced smile. "Can you wrap it up for me? I forgot I have to return something to Elena." The woman also forced a smile and nodded.

She then left for school.

(TL)

Bonnie yawned and shoved her books into her locker, she was trying to ignore the fact that Enzo was obnoxiously staring at her from his locker which was right next to hers. "You look like you need a nap, Bennett." The British born boy said, hands sunk into his pockets. He had a easy-going smile on his face but Bonnie just wasn't in the mood.

"Leave her alone, Enzo," Caroline belted out from beside Bonnie, at the blonde girl's own locker. "She obviously doesn't want to be bothered."

"Funny," Enzo gave her a dry look, "considering the volume of your voice has likely bothered the dead." Caroline glared back.

"I was working on my homework all night." She lied easily and quickly, hoping to stop the arguing on the horizon between her two friends. She forced an embarrassed smile "It was horrible," she rolled her eyes, "but it had to be done."

Enzo's attention quickly returned to her, as his smile returned.

"What homework?" He asked.

Bonnie gave him a grin and a shrug. "What are you doing, Matt?" Bonnie smoothly asked her friend as she spotted him coming down the hall with an arm full of fliers, avoiding Enzo's question.

"Its for the senior play," Caroline answered for Matt who was left with his mouth open, "I'm the head, we're currently auditioning." Her blonde friend gave her a dazzling smile. "What do you say, Bonnie, wanna try out." Bonnie stared at her friend, making sure both of her eyebrows were as high up as possible. Caroline sighed dramatically. "Alright, I know, I know, theater? Yeah, its for geeks and weirdos but I thought, hey, I've pretty much been the show runner for every big thing that happens at this school and this town, except for one thing. Directing a play, here I am."

"What do you know about directing a play?" Bonnie questioned, sort of amused with her friend. Caroline was diffidently an over achiever.

Elena and Damon made their way over to the group. Damon gulped down water from a water bottle, dark hair still wet from the school shower after football practice, he barely glanced at Bonnie as he greeted his friends or Elena's friends as he liked to refer to them as.

"Hey guys what's up?" Elena asked looking around the group.

Bonnie yawned again, suddenly really wanting to be in class.

"You really should try getting to bed sooner, Bonnie." Enzo spoke up, his gaze still firmly on her. Bonnie could have smacked him considering he just drew everyone's attention to her.

"How long did you stay up?" Matt asked.

Bonnie shrugged and shifted on her feet, " until around five."

"What type of homework had you up that late?" Elena asked with a small smile. "Maybe we should do that study group thing again. We have all of the same classes."

Bonnie shrugged again, avoiding her friend's big brown eyes. "I don't remember. And the study group thing does sound good, Elena, we can come up with a plan later." She didn't feel like coming up with a better lie then that. "See you guys around." She quickly walked away after throwing up a brief wave.

"Bonnie's been acting really weird lately." Caroline announced with a thoughtful expression, drawing all of their attentions. Damon rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I've been noticing that too." Enzo added. "She has been really distant lately. She hasn't even yelled at me in... a week? Not that I'm complaining." He lazily shrugged, though his brows were still set down with concern.

"I wonder why." The blonde looked around at her friends all of them shrugged except Damon. "Do you, Damon?"

Damon raised an eyebrow. "Yes, blondie, I keep up with everything Bonnie related in my diary, let me go get that for you." He said sarcastically. "Come on Elena, your friends are giving me hives with their stupidity."

Caroline sneared her nose at him as he hooked his arm around his girl friend and started down the hall. "I hate you, Damon!"

"Yeah, yeah," he waved over his shoulder as Elena shot her friend an apologetic smile.

(L)

Bonnie had just left lunch and was on his way to her next class when she was suddenly pulled into a janitor's closet without warning.

"What in th-" Her frantic words faded when he saw Damon standing before her. She frowned. This wasn't right. Damon should not be acting like they had something going on in school, pulling her int closets. What if someone had seen? School Damon and bedroom Damon were different people just like Bonnie in school was different from the one he had in bed.

"What's going on, Damon?" She whispered harshly. She hoped no one had seen her come in.

"Are you alright?" He asked. His hands, large and warm rested on her neck softly, fingers cupping her cheek. Bonnie shivered unintentionally and hated herself for it. "Everyone is noticing something is up with you." She quickly removed his hand from her. His voice held a softer tone to it. One never used on her in public. She gritted her aching teeth. The tone only meant for when they did dirty deeds under the covers.

She hated it. "Yeah, I'm fine." She reached for the door behind her. The world around her seemed mirrored, not quite reality.

"Wait," He called voice soft. She didn't turn around but she waited. "I might be late tonight. I have a date with Elena..."

Bonnie clenched her teeth. She opened the door and walked out.


End file.
